When you are a child and dreaming of your luck, it never occurs to you that your marriage may not end that way. I mean, let’s face it – all Disney movies in the world never hint at the fact that Cinderella and her Prince Charming will ever have problems, right? – How to fix a broken marriage and maintain your relationship in Nigeria.
Well, Disney movies are not real life. Even though we all know this on a conscious level, we still hope – in our hearts – that we will be the exception to the rule. We think we will be one of the lucky ones to have a happy marriage for life.
However, for many couples, this just does not happen. Why? Well, the reasons are many, which I will go over in a minute. But no one teaches us how to have a loving marriage. And if we have not seen our parents live happily together, then we really have no model for that.
So what if you find yourself in an unhappy marriage? How To Fix A Broken Marriage And Save Your Relationship?
Reasons Leading To A Broken Marriage
I really wish we all go to class in a school called Relationships 101. But no one is officially taught how to have a good marriage (or any relationship for that matter). What is the result? The result is that we all just fly near the pants seat and wing it when it comes to relationships. But if you want to have a happy, healthy and successful marriage, you can not do it.
Here are some of the causes of broken marriage.
Everyone says relationships are hard and take a lot of hard work. Well, think about it. Anything in this life worth doing needs effort, right? That is, unless you win the lottery, you will not get rich without hard work.
Relationships are no different. You have to make an effort in your marriage. If not, and you’re too lazy to keep it alive, it’s going to die.
Many people are selfish to some degree. But when it comes to the price of a healthy marriage, then it’s a problem. You can not always put your needs first. You need to put your spouse’s needs at least equal to – or before – yours. Otherwise, the resentment will continue to build endlessly.
It goes hand in hand with laziness and selfishness. If you are lazy and do not put in the effort, and you are constantly selfish, then you are neglecting your spouse – and your entire relationship.
Relationships are like plants. If you do not water a plant, it will die. If you neglect marriage, they too will eventually end.
The more we love them, the harder children are in marriage. If you are honest with yourself, you know it is true. Children take a lot of time and energy – time and energy that can be invested in your marriage. Therefore, when couples do not stay connected because children are interfering, then your marriage will fall apart.
Poor Communication Skills
Knowing how to talk to your partner to express your feelings and needs is essential. However, both people need to do the same thing and have empathy towards the other person.
If empathy (the ability to identify and see the other person’s point of view) does not exist, then it is almost impossible to have a healthy marriage.
How to fix a broken marriage and maintain your relationship in Nigeria
Sometimes, we feel hopeless when we are in a bad marriage. You wonder if you can ever rediscover the good relationship you had in the beginning. The answer is yes, but you need to put in some work.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have the financial means to go for counseling. However, if so, I would suggest this as a first step.
Even if this is not an option, here are some steps you can take:
1. Take A Good Look At Yourself
It Takes Two to Tango. I’m sure you’ve heard this saying before. In other words, relationship problems are rarely the sole responsibility of one person.
Look at your behaviors and speculate how they might contribute to your marital status.
2. Take Responsibility For Your Actions
Now that you know what you have done to contribute to your marital problems, you own. Tell your spouse how you feel, and then commit to changing your behavior immediately.
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3. Be Honest With Yourself And Your Spouse
Sometimes it is easier to put your head in the sand and ignore the problems. But your marriage will not improve if you do!
Sit down and be honest with yourself about the marital status. Then, take your feelings to your partner and have a deep heart-to-heart conversation.
4. There Is A Conversation
This is an obvious step, but it must be done. You can not map out a plan for the future if you do not even talk about your problems in the first place.
5. Each Partner Explains His Or Her Perception Of The Issues
Perception is reality. In other words, your spouse probably sees the marriage very differently from you. Therefore, you need to listen to your spouse’s point of view.
6. Just Listen
While your spouse is explaining their point of view, just listen to them. do not speak. Do not disturb them. Instead, stay calm and do not defend yourself.
7. Make A List Of Things That Both People Want To Change
In order to rebuild your marriage, things obviously need to change – on both sides. So you two need to write down and talk about what needs to change in a marriage.
8. Write A Contract
It’s easy for people to say they’re going to change, but it’s another thing for them to do it in practice. Therefore, it is better to write a contract between the two of you and sign it. It shows a commitment to each other for change.
9. Spend Quality Time Together
You can not rebuild your marriage if you do not spend time together! It seems obvious, but you need to rediscover each other, and spend quality time talking and doing things is necessary.
10. Elevate The Technology
Believe it or not, technology is a huge culprit in the fall of relationships. Whether it’s TV, cell phone or video games, spending too much time with technology and not with each other is the kiss of death. Be sure to lay it down and talk to each other on a regular basis.
Can You Fix A Broken Marriage On Your Own?
This is a very common question I am asked, and it has no easy answer. In fact, my first instinct is to answer that is it can not be done. I truly believe that two people are required to rebuild the marriage. However, if you do not have a partner ready, you can try the following steps if you are desperate enough to try to do it alone:
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Look Back At What Happened In The Marriage
Do a couple autopsy. In other words, how did the marriage die? Just as a dead body is literally dissected after death, you can look at your marriage and see what went wrong.
If you find that many of the reasons were because of you, you can change your actions.
Notice Common Patterns That Have Emerged Over The Years
Relationships always develop patterns. Some are good and some are bad. Therefore, you should look for recurring issues in your marriage that may get you in trouble. Once you identify them, try something new instead of repeating the same actions in the future.
Building a marriage is not easy, but it can be done. The easiest way to have a healthy relationship is not to let it fall apart in the first place. However, since this is not an option, all the tips in this article will definitely put you both on the path to reviving the lost.
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